Dear Faith

It’s scary to think about life and death. I often find myself living in the idea of eternal life. Young, semi-wild and and as free as a brown person can be in America, I am sometimes sure I will live forever.

I’m sure that’s what you thought. That forever was destiny and of course, a smile like yours can easily be eternally embedded into one’s memory.

I think about you often and sadly, sometimes I have to remind myself of what happened. I have to remember the days before and after. Not always. Sometimes I just sit in bliss and remember you at NCNAYO, walking around campus, giving out hugs, dancing at powwows and just smiling despite it all. We say nice things about people when they are gone. Even if they were vile, ugly people but you, my dear, you were a true gem in the eyes of many. A star unlike any other. A Queen Bee.

I have shared with many before about how I do not deal well with death and have been quite fortunate not to lose anyone extremely close to me. But your death was different. So young. So close. A Tar Heel. A Native. A future sister.Faith

There were a thousand things about losing you that completely shook the Native community at Carolina. Was it the fact that you were truly a friend to all? Was it the fact that you were constantly supporting CIC? Was it the fact that you simply radiated sunshine? Was it the fact that for so many of us we had seen you just hours before? So many things left us completely rocked.

I questioned so many things on the day you left us. I was confused, upset, hurt and downright angry. I was pained for not only my lose but for those who were your best friends, your family members, your siblings, your mother, your father… so many people lost someone so precious.

You were strong. Beautiful. Dedicated. Amazing. I remember sitting down to write the letter to petition for you to become apart of our sisterhood and words flooded the paper about how you were absolutely everything a PI woman should be. Spring 13′ was your year. We just knew it. . .

I still get angry. I am angry that someone would have the audacity to think that they could take the life of someone and cause such devastation in our community. I am angry that we don’t know more. I am angry that it was you. Had it been someone who was truly vile and mean then maybe I wouldn’t have harbored so much anger. But Faith, it was you.

faith1We all have fond memories of you and I am so joyful that at times like this we get to celebrate your light. Know that you are not forgotten on the other 364 days, sister. But I do enjoy reflecting back on your beauty this time of year. Founder’s Week will forever be doused with the memory of losing you but it will also be brightened knowing that in the end you are my eternal sister.

I love you. I miss you.

And I dream everyday of seeing you in a Fire Red crossing shirt, throwing up your sign and smiling from ear to ear. I dream everyday of you wearing your Carolina blue cap and gown and celebrating your graduation with your family. I dream everyday of you dancing your heart away at the powwow.

Everyday, I dream. For eternity, my sister. ITCOS

Happy Founder’s Week beeutiful and Happy Anniversary in Heaven.

xoxo

Miss Locklear

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