When I am on campus and I walk by people my mind is going a million miles a minute…
What’s their story? Who are they? What year are they? Where are they going? Is she sad today?
I can’t help but think about the history of people as we interact for a fleeting moment. Sometimes, however, my imagination gets a little crazy with these strangers. Let me elaborate. The other day I walked by this presumably white guy. And good Lawd, he was sa cute! Sometimes in my mind I “spit game” to guys even though I have no intention of actually speaking to them. It’s all for fun. No judgement please.
So, anyways, I began to “spit game” to this white guy in my mind and when I partake in these actions I try to recall previous interactions with similar men so that I can “say the right thing” or “act the right way”. I began to think. What do white men like? What do you say when flirting when a white man?
And then, it hit me like a bag of potatoes, I have NO freakin’ idea what white men like. By this point I was no longer attempting to spit game I was a little frantic. How have I lived for 23 years and had little to NO meaningful interactions with white males?
I couldn’t name any white males that I was “close” to. I couldn’t even find the number of a white male in my phone (unless my boss counts). Y’all, I was distraught. As I questioned my interactions with white males I began to then question so other females of color and surprisingly, they were in the same boat.
So, I now knew that I was not alone in my lack of white male interactions. But then I realized that I had never been “hit on” my a white male. I have never given my number a white male. How am I 23 and just NOW realizing this?! Again, I fact checked this and realized that again some of my fellow female friends of darker pigmentation were also in the same boat.
As weeks have gone by I have continue to ponder this and I am tempted to stop every white male I pass and attempt to be their friend. I know NOTHING of the white male species. Their habits. Their likes. Their dislikes.
I don’t count out anyone as my potential soul mate but I do realize that we are socialized to be around certain people. I found that my socialization towards people of color has limited my knowledge of white men and women. This is not the case for everyone. But I hope that this post encourages you to diversify your friendship pool.
So, I guess, presumably the reason I don’t date white men is because I don’t speak to them. I don’t interact with them. I don’t hang out with them. But as the dominant power in society I wonder if we, as women of color, are sometimes socialized to fear white men? Has our history been marred with so many negative interactions that we covertly bypass them as potential friends and mates?
The politics of interracial dating have different pros and cons for each culture but even on the side of friendship, what have been my limitations? What stops me from having meaningful interactions with white males?
If you happen to know the secret to unlocking white male friendship… let me know.