Its Okay

I think its okay that it still hurts and I think its okay that I am still angry. I think its okay that I still cry and I think its okay that at the most random times you grip my heart in a clinch so tight that I can’t exhale until I feel the warm flow of tears on my cheek.

Honestly, I think it’s okay.

I think its okay to not be okay with what happened. Because being okay means that I accept it and I absolutely refuse to accept it. It was not okay and I will never be okay with it. And that’s okay.

I think its okay that every few months I have to speak to you and this is my only way of doing it. Its okay.

I’m scared. I’m scared that they are going to forget. That one day, Natives at UNC won’t know what #HaveFaith means. That #JusticeForFaith won’t pull them into action. Honestly Faith, I’m scared. I’m scared that we are too complacent, too patient, too accepting.

Because its not fair. Its not fair that they get to forget and I can’t. Its not fair that they can ride by your apartment complex without feeling the need to throw up. Its not fair that they can come across the word ‘Faith’ EVERYWHERE and read it effortlessly. Its not fair.

But its okay.

Every honor song, every fundraiser, every friend, every family member, we won’t forget.

I just need you to know that. We won’t forget.

Sometimes I get so confused on what to pray for and end up rambling off a list to God so endless. Peace. Justice. Mercy.

And its okay.

In his own time, in his own will, my God is faithful and righteous.

Sometimes I just need to be reminded of that.

I just need to remember that its okay.

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