The Overbearing Sound of Silence

It’s funny. The older I get the more self-aware I am.

For example, I am very aware, now, that I am not too good at managing a laundry schedule. I am not too good at throwing things in the trash no matter HOW CLOSE the trashcan is to me. I am not too good at taking NO for an answer and, despite all those years of being a bench-warmer in softball, me and God are still working on my sportsmanship.

I am also becoming more and more aware of my spiritual deficiencies. My lack of commitment to my time with God in prayer. My impatience with his decisions and his plan. My ‘forgiving’ abilities. And of course, my own grace.

I wish I knew about self-improvement back in the day. I wish I could have understood the capacity that 99% of the time, I was wrong.. It was me.. I WAS THE PROBLEM.

Anywho, now as I continue to work on myself, and try new things, I realize that my life could have been soooo much easier.

On Sunday, Pastor Tim spoke about our stewardship and outwardly questioned how we stewarded our time with God. Was he at the beginning of the day or the end? Well then Pastor. Just call me out. I had spent the last few months reading my Bible… at the end of the day.

I believe in change and self-improvement, so I sought to steward my time with God in a better way to show him that he is first in my life and the most important conversation that I should have all day. So I have spent the last few mornings spending time with my Bible and God.

Now, I am not a meditator. I do not do well with silence. Quite honestly, silence makes me nervous. This could be because I have the astounding gift of gab but oh well. My prayers have usually consisted of me saying “Thank you God….., Lord bless….., Please help….Remember…. I’m praying for…… Amen. K. Bye”

Well. Something like that. And then I was off to bed or off to begin my day.

It’s funny how few of us truly view prayer as a conversation. I have spent years viewing prayer as a one-sided monologue. Ya know, just me. Dropping some knowledge for God (as if he doesn’t already know). Again, my own self-awareness here…

So earlier this week, after I finished my traditional prayer, I just sat. In complete silence. I am not sure how long I sat there but the longer I sat there I began to realize how truly peaceful and delightfully overbearing the sound of silence can be. In a world that requires constant communication and talking it was nice to hear nothing but my own breathing.

I do truly believe that it is in these moments of silence that we bear our heart to God in a way that words don’t allow. We show it all without saying a word.

I admit it was awkward the first few minutes. I am not sure what I was expecting, maybe God to say, “Go, my daughter and be awesome today.” But as a talker, practicing the act of silence is new to me.

I delight in the ability to bear my soul to God without having the find the right words to share my burdens and hardships.

I delight in knowing that my God already knows before the words have formed on my tongue.

Lovelies, this week let the overbearing sound of silence rest easy on your shoulders as you wake up and ask for peace and guidance, good will and love for your day.

For once in my life, I am learning to be silent.

xoxo

Miss Locklear

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