I Love A Jealous Man

You know what? I am just going to have to be honest. I absolutely adore a jealous man. You know, the kind that wants all of your attention. The kind that wants all of your love. The kind that wants to be your number one priority. The kind that seeks out your heart in all of its filth and still values it above all other. The kind the places you on a pedestal despite all the wrong you have done and doesn’t want others to steal you. The kind that wants you to focus on him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The kind that calls and texts all the time just to hear your voice.

What person doesn’t love a jealous man?

Well, when I think about being attached to a man that is this jealous of my heart, love and attention, and time I am slightly emotionally worn out just reading it but when I think about being attached to a God that is this jealous over my spirit, soul, heart and love I am overjoyed.

As a single twenty something I find myself thinking long and hard about the man that is to be my forever. I think I know exactly what I want. I have mentally pinned down my perfect “Mr. Locklear” and have given him my own desired looks, heart, personality and character traits. I have mentally built him. Now this man has changed over the years, AMEN, Praise Him. He used to be a little rough around the edges and overly thugish, I have come a long way peeps. Over and over, we are constantly reminded that our own preconceived notions concerning our perfect “Other” rarely exist and we are heartbroken over this idea of not being able to fill a void that we think will be completed only by finding our Mr/ Miss Perfect..

I am joyful in knowing that my void will not be completed by my “Mr. Locklear” and that instead that my own jealous God yearns for my attention and love just as I should yearn for his.

This has not been an easy concept for me to grasp. I am so used to “crushing” on people and becoming so obsessed with forming a relationship with them. Being the best me to ensure that they are satisfied with the person that they see. Waiting not so patiently for a call. A text. Anything just to let me know that he is also thinking about me. Lookahere, don’t go ta acting like you ain’t done it too! We long for attention from others. It’s natural. And draining.

It has taken me some time and thought to understand just how great God’s love and affection is for me [yeah, that’s from David Crowder Band…]. To accept and realize that God will bring things, people and opportunities in my life on HIS timing. That he is a JEALOUS God that want’s ALL of my attention instead of me evoking my own plan for myself and giving my attention to worldly matters and wants after my own nonspiritual heart. And that by giving him all of my attention he will then allow me the blessings and grace that he’s sees fit for in my life.

“For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” Deuteronomy 4: 24

God, consume me with your love, your grace and your mercy. Turn all of my love and desires to you. Guide my heart, my soul, my mind and my love. Fill any void in me with your love and attention. Allow me to praise and honor you strongly and deeply. Force me to focus so heavily on you that others will find my heart only by turning to you first. Be jealous of me, Lord. When I stray, draw me back in. Be stingy with my time and my heart. Only allow those in that you deem acceptable. Lord, I am so glad that you are so jealous of me…

xoxo

Miss Locklear

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