I am at the oh so daunting cross section between ‘be young and flourish’ or ‘love deeply and fully forever’. Now, while I have temporarily chosen the former I adore conversations concerning the act of ‘love’. I mostly adore these conversations with people who are both like me in their love language and those that are different from me.
Such conversation was imposed upon this weekend.
I do not rest in the idea that there is a binary of love language. Instead, I chose to believe that there is a spectrum. Explain Leslie. Well, at one end of the love language you have me. I rarely utter the word ‘love’. I am not a fan of PDA or mushy gushy social media campaigns. I don’t do much hugging and cuddling is a rarity. Emotions make me nauseous and seeing other’s cry makes me kinda nervous. [PSA: I am known to be a crier at all times when it relates to Alpha Pi Omega. Sorry. It’s real love.] Now, slide right on down to the other end of the spectrum and imagine the total opposite of me (sorta kinda). More emotionally in tune beings who understand the expression of love in very overtly emotional ways.
And ya know what’s funny? When people on the opposite ends of this spectrum get together. Y’all. This is precisely why this HAS to be a spectrum because unless you are willing to slide a few notches just go ahead and call it off. It. Won’t. Work.
Anywho. As I previously stated, I had a conversation concerning how we ended up where we did on the spectrum and it was absolutely stunning the correlation this had to our family life and our learning attitudes and behaviors around the action of ‘love’. My ‘love language’ mirrors what I had seen in my life, in my family. It was astounding.
So yes, I ‘love’ others the same way that I have been loved.
But, as you may have assumed. This doesn’t always work. My language of love is not always perceived as such by those on the opposite end of the spectrum.. So what do I do. If my language of love is being misinterpreted. If my language is misunderstood. If I am dealing with someone on the opposite end and I don’t know what to do?
I ‘think’ two friends of mine are in this relationship… Opposite ends of the spectrum but so in love. They communicate. Their love language has to be explained, explored and adjusted as they both see fit. They are not stagnant in their love. They express their needs as it relates to love and also express their concerns.
Darlings, this love is not for the stubborn or weary at heart [note to self]. This love takes work. Commitment. Understanding and lawd, maturity.
There is no right or wrong ‘love language’. We have all been in unique situations and have very distinct home experiences that have shown us all different ways to love. We have adopted those behaviors as our own. That is fine and dandy. But don’t be stagnant in your love. Understand that we love differently. We are allllll over the spectrum.
Respect your location. Understand your location and do the same with your partner.
And if you can’t do that, join me on the sided of single flourishment.