The Friend Zone: Girl Version

I have read countless blogs, articles, posts, texts, smoke signals about men being in the friend zone.

And yet, in this conversation, women’s voice seems to be null and void. Do we not get friend zoned? Or are we embarrassed to talk about said ‘zone’? Or does it really exist?

1. Yes we do get friend zoned.

2. I am not embarrassed to probe this question.

3. It. Does. Exist.

Now, let me take a second, if you are currently reading this and you are thinking “Shoot, I don’t know who she talking about, I don’t get friend zoned..” Great. GO YOU. Get up off my blog because there is nothing here for you. Now, for my womyn who are facing this small dilemma… read on sugar plum.

Okay. I am going to come at you rather candidly on this one and if you don’t like it then… go ye forth and sulk somewhere else.

I am a victim of the friend zone. I have been unknowingly and un-wantedly inducted into this club quite a few times.

Let me go further. If you know me then you may understand why. I win people’s hearts through humor. I am funny and sarcastic, a little brash and frankly rough around the edges. I am ‘learning’ to think before I speak but that’s a skill that takes years to perfect. Though I have come V E R Y far since my freshman year, I am still far from the quaint little Southern lady. If I were a dude I wouldn’t take me home sometimes. I spew independence as often as possible and I am the definition of “shawty don’t need no man”. With that being said, I have been easily accepted as ‘one of the boys’ in so many situations. Y’all. So many.

Sometimes I am okay with it. But sometimes I am downright mad.

Over the years I have learned to identify when I have been ‘zoned’… If he starts talking about his other love interests or crushes… Ladies, take that “L”. This is the absolute toughest spot to negotiate. Do I want to continue to be your friend despite the fact that I picture you naked when you talk? Do I want to engage in this conversation about you and another female as my blood pressure rises? Do I want to take a leap of faith, tell you I wanna make out and not talk about ‘her’ and then risk losing it all or making it very very very very awkward?

Ya see. Here we stand. Rock. Hard Place. There is no where to move and no wiggle room. It’s a tough space to be. A weird space. An awkward space. And let me just say, I am the Queen of Awkward. I hate feeling uncomfortable and I am that friend that will point out the elephant in the room..

So what do we do. Well, I don’t know, otherwise I wouldn’t have written this post. Otherwise I would know how to break the “friend zone” barriers. Otherwise this would have been titled “Getting to Second Base 101″…

But it’s not. I take my friend zone situations on a case by case basis. Mentally I complete a Pros and Cons list and decide if it’s worth jumping off the ledge of friendship into the great unknown of awkwardness or is it worth just standing happily on the edge admiring your beauty from here and letting your frolic with what’s her face.

So ladies, you have a decision to make. It’s not easy and it may hurt. You may either lose a friend or gain a lover.

Either you find comfort in the friendship, remain in the friend zone, and abandon your feelings (if this is at all possible) OR you grab that beautiful man by the shoulders and you show him what’s he’s missing.


Miss Locklear

PSA: Miss Locklear does not advise such actions to be taken upon men who are in active relationships. All attempts to break out of the friend zone should only be practiced on gentlemen who are single and frolicking freely.

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